When I Was Younger, Just a Sad Little Kid. I Noticed Things My Grandmother Did.

What's summer without expensive dental procedures? It's all good. I'm basically a textbook case for dental interns everywhere at this point - a case study in root canals, crows, cavity refillings, chipped teeth, and Buddhism. When I was younger, just a bad little kid / My momma noticed funny things I did. / Like Shooting puppies with a BB gun / I'd poison guppies and when I was done / I'd find a pussy cat and bash in its head /  That's when my mamma said / what did she say? She said, "My boy, I think you'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay."

I provide to dentists. I give them everything they've ever wanted to know, study, explore, research, and comprehend. I give them my mouth. Yesterday, it was a suspected cavity behind a filling next to a crack that might have been a nerve, or my twin brother Ryan who never developed. Long story short? Take care of, as I always do. What is a visit to the dentist without a couple thousand dollars worth of work? I'm used to it. I'm pretty sure I've funded two to three children of dentists through college. That's how great my teeth are.

Yesterday, however, I got so much novocaine that my nose went numb. I couldn't feel my breathing and I was like, "Well, that takes care of my sinuses." Then, two hours after the novocaine wore off I felt a stream of snot dripping from my nose to my t-shirt. Fun. How was I supposed to know?

I've come a long way since Dr. Pelozi in Mattydale, and today's dentists are still asking, "What the crazy hell did that man put in your teeth? I'm finding orange peels, puppy dogs, and dinosaurs back here?" I'm thinking, "Um, the 80s were a different time?"

Alas. I am lucky to receive treatment. I hate it, but I go with it. As I've said since my 20s, my mouth is worth more than I am.